Often, conversations between myself and parents may sound as follows:
PARENT: “Why does the special education process make it so difficult?”
ADVOCATE: “The guidelines and the laws are fairly simple and well established; it’s more of the human condition that gets in the way”.
What do I mean when I say this? Whether we are addressing 504 Plans or the beginning of the IEP process, the steps toward development are well known; but the human element, whether we call it “personality”, “ego”, or “character”, often determines the outcomes within the process. And that’s where the experience takes a wide range of pathways. As a result, the most effective advocates as well as administrators know the guidelines associated with special education law but the most impactful, know something about the human condition and our frailty, our humility, and our common understandings. For example:
Yesterday I attended two special education meetings with very different results:
The first was a meeting highlighted by the Director’s mindful guidance: The agenda was carefully established between her and the parent prior to the meeting; a collaborative process. As a result, the meeting felt like a conversation; with everyone willing to be trustworthy, authentic, and open. Following, the team came to a wide range of conclusions which were co-created within the meeting which included heart-felt statements between the participants including “understanding”, “deep apology”, and “appreciation”. We left the meeting with solutions and a sense that there was a plan moving forward.
The second meeting felt much different: While we were waiting for members to arrive, we all sat quiet and no one engaged in light hearted conversation; tension was clear. The agenda was established by a lead staff member but the parent was not involved in this process. The purpose of this meeting was to review documents and come to an understanding leading to services for the student. Once the meeting began, the conversation appeared to lean into restating what the documents highlighted and whenever there were questions presented by the parent or myself, a defensive posture surfaced on the staff side. Almost as if there was a worrisome or fearful foundation at the core of the dialog. Clearly, the meeting established an “us versus them” framework from the onset. And continued throughout. By the time, the meeting concluded, there was a sense of relief that it was over for the tension was unbearable. And we did have an action plan; to meet again for we were only able to address what was on the established agenda during this meeting: Nothing more. The feeling of control and guarded expressions of oneself seemed to rule this meeting. This was in direct contrast to the earlier meeting where everyone was open.
I share these experiences for special education is not something that is best understood from the perspective of the head, highlighting laws, policies, guidelines, and rules but more so, from the opening of the heart: Where we discover compassion, understanding, collaboration, and empathy. When dealing with complex learning challenges or deep roots in social emotional behavior, there are a lot of emotions which surface. As written in a book I wrote years ago, “Love, Understanding, and Other Best Practices,[Love, Understanding, and Other Best Practices: The New School of Thought on IEP & 504 Plans: Davis, Larry Martin: 9781453656600: Amazon.com: Books], when we come together as a team, to work toward solutions and collaboration, it’s essential that everyone brings forth their best self. Our children deserve this!