For many kids, school feels like being a square peg in a round hole; similar to wearing a pair of pants or shoes that just doesn’t fit. As a result, this may create an anxiety related response. Rather than feeling comfortable, at ease, or joyful, the experience may create an emotional state more in line with stress, frustration, and worry.
Does this sound familiar to you? If so, read on: When I attend IEP or 504 meetings, the conversation often lends itself to the ABCs of Emotional Self Regulation: Anxiety within presents behavior as a means of compensation or a response to the environment. The behavior, often described as “attention seeking” or “avoidance” is most often a typical response related to the fight or flight dynamic associated with the Amygdala; the almond shaped part of the brain which monitors perceptions coming in through our sensory fields. This behavior, though highly inconvenient, may often present itself as the focus of these IEP or 504 related meetings. While some kids may become agitated, aggressive, or impulsive, others may literally shut down, withdraw, and are unable to perform basic tasks due to the fight or flight wiring within. Though these behaviors are natural responses to what is perceived as stressful situations, we all have the ability to learn how to take control of our emotions, thoughts, and beliefs at the core of these responses. We are not our emotions, however, it often feels likes it. And our kids experience this as well.
One of the guiding questions parents, teachers, and kids familiar to this scenario must ask is the following: “How do we support one another, especially our kids, in conditions where emotional self regulation seems to get in the way of living life with joy, peace, and a deep sense of contentment?” I have participated in hundreds of behavior related meetings, and I must state that very few intervention teams seem to truly grasp the fundamental elements at the forefront of this rather simple process. In fact, highly complex behavior intervention plans are developed asking both students and staff to jump through multiple hoops in support of “behavior replacement” systems. If we don’t understand the purpose of the behavior, and it’s relationship to anxiety, specifically, the fight or flight natural response, then these behavior replacement systems may appear to be futile attempts with little results. However, there are many successful strategies available which cut to the chase of behavior management and many of these programs address emotions rather than focusing on thoughts alone. How one feels often presents the foundation for how one experiences life; it’s a matter of creating opportunities for comfort, ease, and happiness in moments where stress, tension, and anxiety take over.
The Institute of Heartmath, one of the leading research organizations supporting emotional wellness, has been developing strategies and resources in support of what is known as coherence; the state of ease and calm associated with our emotions and it’s relationship to the heart and mind connection. When it comes to behavior management and intervention models, our kids benefit the most when they have the tools to move from anxiety and worry to a state of ease, calm, and an internal sense of peace within. As a result, I highly recommend the resources available through heartmath.org. For more information, I suggest you visit their website. And for additional support and information, please write me and it would be my pleasure to share what I have learned through the years related to the dynamics of behavior and its relationship to coherence.
Simply, once we see behavior from a new lens, often highlighting the natural response of anxiety, then we can make great strides in supporting our kids. The nature of this work is often best addressed through the following question: “What is my child communicating through his or her behavior?” and “How can we support my child emotionally?” for how we feel provides the lens for how we see and experience life itself. Heart is where the home is!