Seriously, what if our kids were actually more enlightened than we give them credit for and their inconvenient behaviors were natural responses to a relatively changing – evolving world?
I swim in the disability pool every day as an education advocate. Most often, I am wading in on ADHD as well as Autism Spectrum related issues and conversations. From the early morning, throughout the day, and into the evening, I receive phone calls and emails from parents all across the country describing their own personal story while sharing heartache, grief, frustration, and an unyielding desire to do what’s best for their son or daughter. I clearly understand that walking the special needs path within today’s schools can be very challenging for most parents. Every call and every email is reaching out from a position of hope and a desire for resolution.
At the same time, I tend to see patterns within this work. As a result, the following insights and perceptions highlight the lens from which I observe this process:
Children today are here to contribute within a larger framework; some people use the term “intentional design”, others may coin the phrase “promise within”, and others may see it as “a god-given talent or ability”. Whatever one believes, whether it falls within conventional theology, traditional values, or within an “alternative” spiritual perspective, many people today see our children as an extension of a belief that their lives are founded upon potential and infinite possibilities guided by a power, a source, or an inspiration within. The nature of this vision is guided by collaboration, co-creativity, and faith in something greater than ourselves.
However, the public school system is founded upon a completely different belief system. Fundamentally, the system is supported by values and practices which support and uphold the notion that our children are empty-vessels, needing to be filled with 21st century skill sets, acquiring tools leading toward career and work, and preparing them for a competitive world highlighted by global winners and losers. Competition and achievement at the core.
As a result, this presents a fundamental conflict between values, belief systems, and how our children react to the battle of wills within this system. I remember years ago, when I was a principal in the 1980’s and 1990’s, a number of my staff members argued that “today’s children want everything to be fun and we would be doing them a disservice if we presented learning through interest-based strategies for life is hard and not a game … they need to grow up.” Now, years later, we are immersed in a business culture which honors meaning-centered learning, builds upon interest, and captivates students as well as employees when we engage them through their passion, innate purpose, and inspired within. For the notion of doing something, whether it be a job, a career, or a task, based upon compliance and fear, are not the guiding principles working within today’s most enlightened industries, businesses, and schools. The latest Starbucks employment recruitment highlights: “Connecting with each other, with our customers and the communities, we are a part of fosters a deep sense of purpose at Starbucks. We believe we can all become a part of something bigger and inspire positive change in the world around us.”
Getting back to the original question, “What if our children are bringing forth an enlightened response to an evolving society?” Notably, what if our children, especially those who are diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and Autism are actually teaching us something about the evolving society? I believe their reactions to the world we live in presents a wake-up call leading toward evolutionary change. For students walking either path,they are calling out the system to be understanding and responsive to interest-based learning and build upon success through their innate talents and aptitudes. What if we flipped the perspective and looked at ways in which the society, the system, and the institutions like school, were also evolving rather than forcing our children to adapt through medication, manipulation, and forced compliance? For example:
The other day I attended an IEP (special education based meeting) highlighting a high school student with classic ADHD symptoms. Between her hyper-focus on things she loved to do, disinterest in everything else, things, poor Executive Function skills (ie; organization, planning, impulsivity …), and deep compassion toward others, the discussion primarily focused on helping her succeed as if she was a square-peg within a round-hole. Rather than building her schedule upon her strengths, the conversation, like most I attend, was guided by classes that she will never use in her lifetime (ie; Algebra 2, Chemistry …), and featured writing as the sole primary by-product of learning (which she hated with a passion); she was more a hands-on learner with an aptitude toward building things, creating artwork, and using a visual-spatial sense of understanding. In addition, the intervention discussion highlighted ways in which she would be “weened off” excessive drawing, isolation, as well as trying to find ways she could release pent-up anxiety. All through this conversation I kept on thinking: when we are doing things that we love to do, founded upon our interests and passions, issues such as “anxiety”, “depression”, and “opposition behavior” tends to fall by the wayside.
When I asked her parents what their daughter was like outside of school, their response was extraordinary for they described her as if she was a completely different person beyond the walls of school: “She loves anything and everything that involves horses and would spend hours at the stable if she could. In fact, if she could ride a horse to school, she would attend every day! Also, she is an amazing sister to her younger siblings; she takes care of them as if they are her own kids. Her compassion and love for them is amazing. Sure, she struggles with many of the basics, like cleaning her room, which is a total mess, remembering schedules, and often get’s easily distracted, but we love her for who she is. In fact, she is off medication in the summer and we find her to be so much more upbeat, more fun to be around. During the school year, she is often worried about her assignments, missing homework, and feeling stupid. It worries us.”
It should. When an educational system is designed to push students toward very specific outcomes, and is often incapable of being flexible and fluid due to the standardization of it’s practices, we will likely see more kids falling into Special Education or altogether, dropping out as a result of a one-size-fits-all formula. Again, when the system is founded upon the “empty vessel” theory, and we are trying to force-feed meaningless curriculum and learning down our student’s throats, what else can we expect?
What if we designed an educational system which was developed to honor and build upon the gifts within? What if we truly believed that creativity, inspiration, and passion would lead to future employment, fulfillment, and happiness? Imagine: What if our kids were 45 years old, facing a “mid-life crisis”; likely, their life-coach would be saying the same thing, “Follow your passion”. Joseph Campbell, a well-known author and social scientist, made the point by stating, “Follow your bliss”.
And that’s what I believe our kids are telling us: Life as we know it is not about blindly following along, doing what we are told no matter what, and waking up years later under the context of a crisis and stating, “I hate my life”. Eckart Tolle, the author of A New Earth, a multi-million copies best seller, makes the following point: “You will enjoy any activity in which you are fully present, any activity that is not just a means to an end. It isn’t the action you perform that you really enjoy, but the deep sense of aliveness that flows into it. This means that when you enjoy doing something, you are really experiencing the joy of Being in it’s dynamic aspect”.
As I attend meeting after meeting, going from one school to another across the country, we are seeing an extraordinary shift taking place. An educational system, which was once founded upon the notion of “doing because I told you to”, an act of compliance, is having to create a new framework or paradigm of “being”; where we are honoring the talents, gifts, strengths, and aptitudes of the students themselves that already exist. And by nurturing the unveiling of these attributes, we will likely see a shift: Moving from anxiety, stress, worry, control, and fear to creativity, collaboration, innovation, inspiration, and wellness. We all have a choice in this process. Whether it be ADD/ADHD, Autism, or other epidemic-level diagnostic impressions; the tides of change have arrived! For it’s a matter of when we make this shift as the critical question rather than why for our children are telling us something extraordinary today, and they will not back down!
Blessings.
Larry